Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
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They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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