So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
