We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
