every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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