So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
