I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
