Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
