i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am one with the molecules
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
