stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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