idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
