how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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