Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
