batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin