I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.