I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk