"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.