I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
two words: eviction party
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.