shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
