Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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