Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
