we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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