you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
