Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
