I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
