Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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