She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
