i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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