he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
