...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
