I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am midnight drunk by noon
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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