WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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