Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I am spending my child support on dildos
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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