I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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