I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
