Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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