im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
where are you?
Hypothermia
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
