If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
