singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
