since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
