You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
