Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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