I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
