Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
