If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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