the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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