Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
