I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
