And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
