K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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