Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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