I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
