No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
