I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
