Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This beer is not sobering me up at all
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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