There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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