also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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