The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
