from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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