my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I want her autograph on my taint
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
