I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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