I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
