I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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