and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
