I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
