He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
