Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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