I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize